right now this is my journal...

I can't bring myself to write in a journal, i don't know why. It just seems to daunting to handwrite my feelings in a book that will stay empty pretty much cuz i am so horrible about journaling. So, here i don't feel like i have to catch up the last 5 years, i can just write. So, here i am, typing as fast as i can think. I am just going to say this. I thought i was tougher then this, but i will shout it out right now that, "I hate having to say goodbye to Dave". I am sick of him leaving. I am not the strong wife i though i was. I NEED him. I am not good at being both parents. I need him to be here to do dad things. The kids love to wrestle, me not so much. He loves to have sleep overs with them, me not so much. They NEED him to. I know this is just how it is for now and i want to be the strong supportive wife, but i feel like I'm cracking. My heart goes out to those wives who send their husbands to war, but in our case, we make this choice. Dave doesn't have to go. He just can't stand the dullness of the site. He wants more. I am all for bettering yourself and not settling, but isn't it better to be together, even if you hate your job? I don't know, I just feel broken. I am not a good single mom. I don't have a lot of patience with the kids and mostly because i am sad and unhappy with Dave being gone. There, i said it. It feels a little better i guess...

Dave is in Canada...

Well, Dave got to Canada safely. After 3 days of not being able to talk on the phone, he finally got his magic jack to work so now we can talk whenever he is not working all we want. So far so good with his work. He is just doing training this week. We can't wait to go visit him! We will go after the kids get out of school and Dave wants us to stay all summer, but i am thinking probably the month of June and then we will come back. We will see what happens... I can't wait to go though because he is in Ottawa which is straight north of New York. We are going to go see Palmyra, Niagara Falls, and hopefully i can talk him into the 9 hour drive down to New York City since i have never tasted the big city life of what is New York City! A broadway musical, Cetral Park, the tonight Show, Statue of Liberty hopefully! Dave has been there before so he isn't thrilled to go again, but i can be very persuasive... The kids and I are doing good. Staying very busy with school and house stuff. I am in the Idaho Falls womens choir (Choralaires) and the kids are in a singing group called TaVacci and we are practicing for those concerts which are May 3 and May 4th if anyone is interested. Alaina is still in dance and will have a dance performance soon. I didn't put Cory in soccer or either one of them in swimming cuz i didn't know when we were leaving. Anyway, thats us for now, not too exciting. Maybe next month there will be something cool to post!

Cory got baptized!

We are so proud of Cory who got baptized March 6th. He was so excited and was ready as ever! He got his own nice set of scriptures that he has been carrying around with him everywhere he goes. Our wonderful family and friends came to support him in this great day and we are so thankful for all the support he was given. Alaina and Cory both sang and they were angelic. Alaina sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and "I love to See the Temple" and Cory sang "I am a Child of God". Dave was beaming with pride to baptize and confirm him. Afterwards we went over to my church house to have lunch. It was a very wonderful, peaceful day. I am so proud of little guy! Here are some pics of the eventful day...

We have the best FAMILY and FRIENDS in the world...

Some more pictures of the Big Day...

I can't believe this day has come and gone already!

Its time...

Wow... Five months since i posted anything. Obviously i haven't had much to talk about. But today i decided i needed to write my feelings out so here it goes. I am not expecting anyone to take time to read this, so feel free to stop now. This is for me to heal i guess.
Well, i got the pleasure to enjoy being pregnant again for 2 1/2 months. It has been 3 1/2 years since our last miscarriage and Dave and i truly thought we were broken and couldn't make any more babies. Then out of the blue i missed my period in December and we shockingly were pregnant! We were so excited and couldn't believe it. I publicized it early and just wanted everyone to share in our excitement, knowing there was a chance again we could lose this one. But we thought, nah, it won't happen again. This is it, Heavenly Father was going to bless us with another beautiful child. This time i was quite sick unlike my last 3 pregnancies. I didn't care though, i was just thrilled to be where i was in life. Then i got pretty sick 3 weeks ago, of course over my bday and i got worried cuz i realized while being sick with strep, my nausea was hardly there. That scared me. But then after i felt better, i started feeling nausea again and was happy that i must still be pregnant.
Until last thursday hit. I woke up with severe cramps and spotting. It lasted 3 hours and got worse with every minute and so i finally called the doctor. They got me right in and gave me an ultrasound and so matter-of-fact said, "sorry honey, there is no heartbeat". Wow how sensitive they were. Tears began slowly crawling down my face. Really? Is this real? Could it really have happened again to us? I was glad i was alone even though dear Rae Dawn offered to go with me, i went to the bathroom to get dressed and just crumpled to my knees. You know what made me the saddest? Was how Dave was going to react. And i was right. He did not take it well just as he didn't the last time. Ever since losing his dad so young, he just doesn't deal with loss well. So, I realized i had to be strong for the both of us. So i pushed back my emotions. I guess from the stress, i got sick again, which was just wonderful. You know, you go through the whole, why questions. why this, why us, why that... But what it comes down to is the realization that God knows the beginning and the end. He has a reason for doing what He does. We will understand one day and that brings me peace knowing this. I love the Comforter and i love being able to physically feel when He sets in and puts His arms around us and picks us up when we feel we can't walk anymore.
I know this is not the end of the world. Many people have miscarriages. But until you have had one, it is hard to understand how attached you get to this baby growing inside you even after 2 short months, and then to loose it, it is heart breaking. I am positive i will go through many more and possibly bigger losses in my life. It is part of this test we're here for. What a blessing I have to know I don't have to bare things alone. I know my Savior already endured all my pain and now He is here to bear it again along with me. I know Dave has ruled out us ever trying to have a baby again. Please Father help soften his heart. If we are supposed to have any more kids, i want to be ready, no matter what we have to go through to get there. We can't give up.
So there is my rantings. We will be ok. When a door closes, God always opens a window for some other blessing to shine in. I am just going to be open and ready whenever it comes.

Look at my CUTE kids, nieces and nephews!

These are pictures from our Family Reunion this summer at Granite Campground in Jackson, WY. Beware, no makeup or hair has been done in any of these pictures, hence we were camping, so watch at your own risk!

Our Fun Family Reunion!

My DaRliNg little kids, nieces and nephews...

At our Family reunion this year, we went to Granite Campround in Jackson, Wy. We had a GREAT time! All the kids under 12 got to ride a fake bull at the Jackson County fair. So cute! I have lots of pics to post from it, but beware... No makeup or hair was done while camping, so some pics might be dangerous to the human eye so look at your own risk!

I am soooo behind!

I have so much i want to post, but don't want to sit that long to get it done. Lets see, where to start... Dave has been home for a month now and we are loving it! He started his job 2 weeks ago back at the site. He is also going to school full time online through Thomas Edison State College. They have a Radiation Protection degree that he can apply a bunch of Radiation work towards and eventually be a Radcon Engineer. The school thing has really put a damper on our fun time with him though and that is hard for us cuz we love to have fun! Right now Dave is taking English, Political Science, and Spanish. Its a load of 9 credits every 12 weeks. Pretty intense but I am so proud of him!
Summer is already wearing me out. Kids had swimming lessons the last two weeks every day. Cory has soccer camp next week and then Alaina turns 5 next Friday! I can't believe it, my baby is too old! We are still hoping to add to our family, but so far, I guess the timing hasn't aligned with Heavenly Father's plans for us yet. We So want another baby! We will be doing as much camping as we possibly can this summer. Dave works a 4/10 shift and has fri-sun off so we hope to camp as much as we can. Anyway, i have a bunch of pics to post sometime, but right now, i have got to go supervise Cory mowing the lawn...

Adorable Dancing Alaina!

Alaina loves dance and this is her second year. She turns 5 this June and starts Kindergarten this fall. Holy Cow the kids are growing up fast! Cory will be in 2nd grade this fall. We miss you Daddy!

Ok, what a crazy last week this has been...

So you know how Dave was supposed to be in Brazil until June? Well, to make a long story short, Bartlett lied a bunch about many of the things they promised to the workers, so when Dave got there, he was pretty disgusted. He swears he will never do another job for them without a contract. Anyway, because of the lack in honesty by his recruiters, Dave came home last week and stayed for several days and left today to go back to work in South Carolina where he worked last fall. One of the biggest problems with Brazil was when he got there, the job was half done because it took them so long to get the visa's and they knew if they told the employees that, they wouldn't come. So they were going to start laying off in two more weeks, which means Dave would have only been there 5 weeks instead of the 4 months they promised. Anyway, just another example of how our life takes crazy turns constantly, but he is happy he got in to the outage back east and pray for us, cuz he applied for a job out at the site that starts this summer. We so want a normal life again. WE are so SICK of telling each other "Goodbye". He should be back the first of June. He did, however enjoy his 3 weeks in Brazil and learned a good bit of Portugese which he is enjoying trying out on his Portugese speaking friends! He defintly has a gift for languages! Not me...

Wow it's been a long time since I posted!

Well, Dave finally got off to Brazil 2 weeks ago. He is having an ok time there. He is not getting to enjoy the beautiful beaches and weather much cuz he is working so much and has no car to get anywhere. But he did get his 2nd sunburn ever... Last year he got his first in Florida. Poor baby. I have only had like a thousand and my freckles prove it! We miss him lots but are staying busy. Alaina is in dance and loving it. She is also going to preschool 3 days a week. Cory is in 1st grade and is doing very good. He is really starting to great with his reading and math. He starts soccer for his 4th season this spring. I am going to start selling Lia Sofia jewelry and I am excited about that. Not a whole lot to update for now, so when i have some new news, i will report...

David is home.... Yeah!!

Dave got back last monday and it has been great having him back. However, we had a rough week cuz we all got the flu bug. Alaina started off with it on tuesday and then Dave, Cory, and I all got it around the same time friday. But thank goodness it didn't last very long! Dave found out about a job interview in California on Thursday, so he left at 3 am this morning to drive there to Northern California. His interview is tomorrow morning, so i hope it goes great! At least we got him for 6 days before he took off again. But he will be back Wednesday. More later!

ok everyone, all of these videos are for Dave cuz we missed him at our annual pie night. Beware, some are long, watch at your own risk...

k, this is a long "I miss you dad" by Cory, it almost turned into a prayer a few time... so cute!

Here's Alaina singing "I Am A Child Of God"...

Here's Cory singing "America the Beautiful" a little timidly...